Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
