It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
