mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
