i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
