i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Say something about gay babies.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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