he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
