i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
