Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
