Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
