I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
