Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize