even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
