you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
