We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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