my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
