I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
