wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
