I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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