Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
