We named our party play list daddy issues
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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