she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
