He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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