they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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