After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
