Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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