Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
