I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
