$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
