never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
