i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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