The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
