Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
