When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
