I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
