i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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