Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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