and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please don't give away my fajitas
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
