I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
