Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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