he was CRYING into my vagina
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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