then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
