operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i think my cat just said my name.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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