I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my poor anus
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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