just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
