When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
