About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
