let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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