yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
