Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
