also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
