I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
