Someone shit on the floor
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
