nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
