But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
