All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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