My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
