drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
