How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
