i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
