and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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