He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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