I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
