he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
