Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My pussy is not your playground.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
