I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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