Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
