I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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