end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
