Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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